small steps

So I have been doing really well, except for today. Today was a JUNK OUT day and I am feeling it. I have a head ache, my stomach hurts and I'm tired and just feel plain....YUCKY! Why do I do this to myself??? I am not sure. Was it worth it?? NO WAY! I guess that means I am headed in a better direction. A week ago I would have said yes. And looking back I didn't do near the damage I used to do. I ate two hand fulls of chocolate egg candies and some sweetheart candies. Butt that wasn't what really killed me. I brought McDonald's home "for the kids" and ate all of what the kids didn't eat and Then I ate two donuts.. I really shouldn't have done it, butt there is something about that soft dough with chocolate frosting that begs to be eaten. I did...and it sucked! Usually I push through it and down half a dozen. Luckily for me I didn't. I stopped at two. small steps...that is what it is going to take to get me where I need to be.
I am going to go and drink a big drink of water and take some tums and pray I can sleep tonight. Wish me luck!

And suddenly it hits....

So it has been a week since I have really changed the way i have been eating. I have been doing exceptionally well..if I do say so myself...but today at three o'clock sharp it hit. And it hit HARD with a vengance. All I can think of is what sugary goodness..sweet and warm..oohy and gooey. I keep trying to be distracted with email, cleaning up the house...anything. And then my sweet husband said I needed to make cookies for a party tonight. Ok, no problem. Cookies have never been a huge weekness, especially the ones that I make. But these cookies are begging to get into my belly!!!! I chugged a large glass of ice water and even brushed my teeth....NOTHING is working! I think I can.....I think I can....I think I can.
This is when I need an AA group to suddenly swarm into my kitchen and cheer me on. UGH!!! The agony of it all. In my mind the sad thing is, is that I am rationalizing that I could have just one..they are peanut butter cookies, so at least there is protein. Butt I know myself too well...No there will be no eating just one cookie...it will only stop when they are all gone. Sadly, no I can have not even a single cookie...I am going to post this recipe in the hopes that someone will make them and tell me they were good, describe to me what they tasted like and how good you felt while eating them. And then post a pic of your ever growing ass with the new dimples from each cookie you ate...(or at least tell me that you gained 10 lbs). :)



This is just a pic of the dough...the BEST part!!!

Ultimate Butterfinger cookie:
1/2 C. Buttar softened 1 C. all pourpose flour
3/4 C. white sugar 1/2 t. bakeing soda
2/3 C. brown sugar 1/4 t. salt
1 egg 4 buttarfinger bars chopped
1 1/4 C. chunky peanut butter 1 1/2 t. vanilla (I add a lot)

Cream butter and sugar. Add egg; beat well. Blend in Pb and vanilla. Combine flour baking soda and salt in another bowl. Add to creamed mix and mix well. Stir in candy bars and refridgerate for 30 min.
Shape into 1/2 in balls and put on greased baking sheet.
Bake at 350 for abt 12-14 min.

Enjoy it for me will ya

And suddenly it hits....

kick sugar to the curb.....

It has been only three very hard, a little grumpy days since I decided to eat better. I already feel 100 times better..it is crazy, I didn't realize how bad I felt until I quit eating so much crap. It has given me a boost that I REALLY need to keep going. (I know, I sound pathetic...only THREE days?? butt if you really knew me you would be amazed yourself). I still see candy everywhere and want to eat it...ALOT of it. This morning as I was eating my yogurt instead of my sugary cereal with toast and nutella, I have been reading articals to help kick the sugar cravings. This one really had some good points, so I am posting them here.

1. eat often (I can definatly do this one)!
2. Choose whole foods
3. have a breakfast of protein, fat..(really)?? and phytonutrients..(a chemical compound found in plants...I had to look it up).
4. incorporate protein and fat..(again really)? into each meal.
5. add spices
6. take a good vitamin supliment
7. move your body
8. get enough sleep..(easier said than done).
9. do a detox..(yuck).
10. be mindful of emotions...(huge for me)!
11. keep it out of reach
12. don't subsitute artificial sweetners for real sugar.
13. learn to read labels
14. watch for sugar in disguise
15. take L-glutamine..(it helps your sugar cravings)
16. take a breathing break
17. distract yourself
18. drink lots of water
20. eat a piece of fruit

So most of those seem doable. Except for the whole detox diet. In my mind I keep thinking about a show I watched where a model did a detox and had all her poop sucked from her colon...NO THANKS.
Well onto better days of eating. Butt I would like to add one more thing to that list.

21.

thinking.......

I have been wanting to make this blog for a while..I have finally done it so there may be a plethora of new posts from me at first, so sorry for the bombardment.
That being said, I have been thinking and researching and reading all sorts of "health" articles, blogs, books..you get it. I have come to the realization that I have many reasons to loose weight. They were all generally good, butt none really struck me like this one pic did. (thank you pinterest).
I am not one to fad diet, I am not one to enjoy any sort of diet in general. Butt after seeing that pic..I have totally lost my appetite.
I have started a food journal and boy have my eyes been opened. I have seen the vast amount of empty calories that I consume in HUGE quantities. It makes the quote "I ate my will power" really hit home.
I am going to work daily on eating only when I am hungry and finding other ways to cope with stress, bordom, and sadness. Wish me luck, I will need it.

a wake up call

In my life there are always two versions..
The version in my head and the way things are REALLY going. It doesn't happen often, at least to me, that suddenly the two collide and I realize that my life is very different than the way I had originally planned or dreamed it would be.
Now lets not get down, my life is pretty much a cake walk...ya, I like that...a cake walk. I have never lived under a bridge, I have never begged strangers for money, I have never had to walk to get myself to a desired destination and I have never gone hungry...or maybe even been hungry come to think of it, butt now I am getting ahead of myself. As you can clearly see I have a great life. I guess in my head there are only little differences between reality and my dreams. I have my handsome prince, I have my castle, I have my darling children. In my dreams..as in life, I have battled my fair share of dragons..butt who knew that the biggest one for me would be the one thing you have to have to live and sustain your body...I am in a constant fight with FOOD.
I didn't realize I was in a food fight until one day I was looking at pictures of our vacation. Who was that fat chick?? Surely that wasn't me? In my current state of denile I didn't believe even the proof that was placed before my very eyes.. It wasn't until my sweet and VERY honest four year old asked why I had a baby in my belly. I told him that I didn't. His answer was simple.."O, you're just fat then."
Simple and to the point...and through my heart! I ran to the mirror and for the first time I really saw what he saw, to my horror what EVERYONE saw. I was fat.
I quickly tried to rationalize it away, I just had a baby, this is still baby fat...
Except my baby was walking and almost talking sentances. Strike one.
I fit into all my pants..this isn't really that bad, until I realized, these pants have an elastic waiste...Strike two.
Its probably just a little extra weight from the cruise we just got home from. I had the brilliant idea to prove it to myself by getting on the scale. Strike three...YOU'RE FAT!!!!! I literally heard those words ring through my ears as if an umpire was shouting it at a baseball game, I heard it, felt it, I knew it.


After crying for a few days, eating a small childs weight in doughnuts...Ya I know, really not being rational at that point in time. I was ready to fix the problem.
I sat down for the first time and really thought about what I ate, when I ate and Why I ate. It was crazy the reasons...
I eat when I am bored. When I am tired, when I am sad, when I am being social, when I need attention, when I am stressed, when I fix dinner, lunch, breakfast. When I am walking around my kitchen. When I watch movies, tv, video games...ANYTHING in front of the television. Notice there isn't even a little hint of when you are supposed to really eat....WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY!
Ya, I have alot of fixing to do.
Hi my name is Teri and I am addicted to food.
This is my journey.